Tact.

Tact: "Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending."

Tact is a great quality to have. Unfortunately, the amount of tact that I possess fluctuates on a daily, or sometimes an hourly basis. But I have good reason. It's because people are stupid. And they should know it.

Now over the years, it's come to my attention that there is a discrepancy between what I want to say and what I actually say when it come to dealing with people in general. And that, folks, is what we call progress.

Case-in-point......

Scenario: I need a tan. I'm not afraid to admit it. So I've been going to this place called Tan-N-Go. Because that's what I want to do. I want to tan. And I want to go. Well all of that changed a few days ago when I walked into the tanning salon and encountered Miss Hawaiian Tropic (names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or in this case, the not so innocent.) By the way, she looks nothing at all like the picture you have in your head based on the name.

What I said:

Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Hi how are you today?
Me: I'm just fine, how about yourself?
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: I'm good, what's the last name?
Me: Sawatski... S-A-W-A-T-S-K-I
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Ok it looks like you've been going 10 minutes in a 20 minute bed.
Me: Yes I'll go at that same level today.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Ok, what kind of lotion have you been using?
Me: I don't.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Did you know that your skin actually reflects the light?
Me: No, no I didn't.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Well it does, and this lotion will help your tan last longer and your skin won't dry out!
Me: How much?
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: This one is on sale for $65 this week only.
Me: BAHAHA. I'll live.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: (sarcastic laugh) Your choice.
Me: Yep.

What I wanted to say:

Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Hi how are you today?
Me: I'm just fine, how about yourself?
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: I'm good, what's the last name?
Me: Sawatski... And I know you're too incompetent to even come close to getting the first 3 letters right to put it in the computer and pull up my account so.. S-A-W-A-T-S-K-I. Just like it sounds.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Ok it looks like you've been going 10 minutes in a 20 minute bed.
Me: Why don't you scream it a little louder, I don't think the bum up the street heard you.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Ok, what kind of lotion have you been using?
Me: I don't. And don't waste your breath trying to sell anything to me. I won't buy it.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Did you know that your skin actually reflects the light?
Me: Really? Does that line work for you? Why not, "if you don't use it you're going to get skin cancer and die". Never heard that one before.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: Well it does, and this lotion will help your tan last longer and your skin won't dry out!
Me: How much commission do you get when you sell a product?
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: This one is on sale for $65, this week only.
Me: There's also a little thing I like to call St. Ive's 24 hour moisture. And I get it for $3.47 a pop.
Miss Hawaiian Tropic: (sarcastic laugh) Your choice.
Me: Bitch. (note: this is what I wanted to say. We're family-friendly here so I'll give a shout-out to the Holy Spirit for the restraint)


I'm a work in progress.