April 28, 2009

Reasons I'm not ready to be a mother

I was thinking today about just how many of my friends have babies. It seems like everyone and their mother has a child (no pun intended). So I was trying to picture myself with a baby, and this is what I saw..... cricket.......cricket.......cricket....... nothing. Couldn't do it. Not without keeping my sanity.

So here's my on-going list of reasons I'm not ready to be a mother. And hopefully, someday, years down the road, I will be able to change this list to "why I'm going to be the best mother that ever lived". Until then.... in no particular order*....

1. I don't wake up to loud noises.
2. If I did wake up to loud noises, someone would need to stand in between me and that loud noise for the good of everyone involved.
3. I look better with long hair.
4. I drink excessive amounts of Diet Coke. It's not something I can do (or am willing to do) in moderation. I've tried.
5. I spend the majority of my time coming up with new greeting cards so that my sister and I can make millions one day. (This is not a joke).
6. I lock up my dog for important occasions including (but not limited to) American Idol, Lost, and Wii sporting events. The verdict's still out, but I don't think you can do that with a child.
7. I watch entirely too much reality TV for my child to grow up to be a normal, functional (or semi-functional) human being.

*This list is not all-inclusive. More to come, I'm sure.


  1. car, i see pregnant people drink cokes all the time. i think its ok now...

  2. I've said it before and I'll say it again-- at this point in my life I'd rather have a drug problem than a child.

  3. Al, thank you for your letter to the editor. You can drink it in moderation.... I'm sorry have we met? You know I can't do that. But I did edit my wording to make my statement more correct.

    and LC... my sentiments exactly.

  4. I will buy your greetings cards. All of them. I will also pose for the awkward and hilarious black and white photos that I hope will be featured on the front of said cards.

    Love, Your Friend Emily Bell

  5. I can NOT stop laughing!!!! This is so funny. And I love LCs comment. hilarious.