Here goes absolutely nothing.

The purpose of this entry is certainly not to boast. However, in a much more real sense, it absolutely is. I ran 13.1 miles this morning, and I only wanted to hurl my body into oncoming traffic one time. And if I'm being honest, it would be more like three times. Judging by the fact that I'm still living, I'm chalking this one up as a W.

But it didn't start out that way. The race packet kindly suggested that runners arrive to the race 45 minutes early to A.) find their corral and B.) give them an adequate amount of time to completely freak out about their impending doom. Well, luckily it didn't have to come to that for my sister and me. When we were approximately .2 miles away from the start line I casually asked my sister, "Did you already put the time chip on your shoe?". What I received as a response was a look of horror and disgust along with the words, "YOU SAID YOU HAD IT!". Uh oh. In my defense, those words actually never came out of my mouth. I told her I put everything that was laying on my bed in my packet. Unbeknownst to me, that didn't include the one thing we actually needed. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Plus, it's about time that girl learn some responsibility. Geez.

Long story short, Treva purposely ran a red light (just want that to be on the record), and we made it to the start line with 25 minutes to spare. Typical Sawatski style. Never late. Never on time. Always early.

Crisis averted. En route to the race for a second try, time chip in hand.... or on foot.

So for your enjoyment my narcissistic tendencies... a brief overview of the race:

As we're standing at the start line, trying to act like we know what we're doing, we take it upon ourselves to poke fun at most people around us. We casually joke about wishing we had brought our ankle weights... just to make this a challenge. We laugh at the fanny packs containing bottled water and energy gels. Must be a rookie. Little did I know that an hour and a half later, I would have literally knocked someone upside their head, stolen their fanny pack, and left them for the buzzards. Lucky for them, I couldn't find someone with a fanny pack when that urge struck.

Miles 1-7 were pretty standard. I felt pretty good, and after going over the Broadway Bridge I actually formed this sentence, "this isn't so bad". Famous last words.

I'm holding mile 8 personally responsible for my first thoughts to take my own life. I had been told that the course is basically flat after you go over the Broadway Bridge. I should have asked that person to define "basically". What that person failed to inform me about was the steady incline on mile 8 leading up to the Capitol. It was painful. Partly because I didn't expect it, but more-so because it sucked.

Immediately after climbing that hill, we came to a water station where someone was handing out GU energy gels. At that point, it could have been crack cocaine and I would have gladly ingested it if it was going to give me a boost of energy. After downing the packet of vanilla flavored hair gel, I thought I might expel it and the rest of the contents of my stomach onto the street due to its absolutely atrocious aftertaste. Luckily, the people around the corner quite literally saved my life with 1/8th of an orange. It was clutch, and after that I was good to go.

For about 2 more miles. I had absolutely no idea what mile we were on at the time, but I was thinking we had to be getting somewhat close to finishing. Then how could we still be running away from the finish line? Oh, it's because we still had a 5k to go. So as I approached the mile 10 marker, and even more rapidly approached my untimely death... I set my eyes on the lucky fella' who was going to give me my Gatorade. Even in my muddled state, I noticed that this person looked strangely familiar. As I got closer, I realized that the place that I had seen this person was on TV. That person with my Gatorade in his hand was Jim Bob Duggar. And that, my friends, was the fuel I needed to finish those last 3.1 miles. Thank you, Jim Bob.

I don't remember the specifics of the last time I wanted to throw myself off a bridge, but it definitely happened... of this I am sure.

So, in summary, I got to cross something off my bucket list while beating my own personal record of.... never having run a half-marathon before. So, I've done it. And for the record, Johanna and I finished with the exact same time, but I placed one ahead of her. Some may say that it's because of some alphabetic issues, but I don't believe that at all. Boom shaka laka.